


It's hard to let it go

by draconianApathy



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Gen, Yelling, crying implication, these are the warnings tell me if I missed anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:13:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28751973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draconianApathy/pseuds/draconianApathy
Summary: Roman and Virgil decide to confront Janus about all the lies that Thomas couldn’t help but tell at the mall. Surely there should’ve been a reason, or was Janus just trying to antagonize them? Pushed up against a wall, unable to escape, the latter is forced to confess the real reason behind it.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25





	It's hard to let it go

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't posted stuff for sanders sides in a while aaaah sorry I've been widely demotivated, this has been sitting in my drafts for a while, though, so have.
> 
> Placed one day after FWSA. Before you read, just so you know, if you think any of them is being kind of “bitchy”, it’s not meant as an unsympathetic portrayal, just a little argument they’re having. I hope you enjoy the angst, which seems to be the only thing I’m capable of coming up with lately. Love you all.

_❝ You broke my heart again._

_You climbed up on your ivory tower_

_And you paid off all my friends. ❞_

It looked exactly like the two royal guards ready to slay the evil dragon that pestered townsfolk’s thoughts.

That one dragon that would only mind its business, hoarding its precious treasure, uncaring of the worlds around him or whoever resided by its cave: it wouldn’t know of the townsfolk, but they knew of it, thus calling it a dangerous beast they couldn’t bear to keep by them.

The same way, Janus had been taken aback as he appeared in the living room a few feet away from Thomas and right before Virgil and Roman, whose glances didn’t hint at any kind of pleasant conversation commencing.

He wasn’t sure as to why he had been called, but he could see the mortification in Thomas’s eyes: what changed already, just so quickly?

Surely it hadn’t ended friendly with Roman last time and neither it ever had with Virgil, could it be they had already condemned Thomas’s trust?

« Care to explain, side in snake’s clothing? »

He raised an eyebrow. « Wasn’t I the one to be called here? I’m just as confused as you are, Roman. » he really didn’t want to mimic the other’s distrusting gaze, but he realized he hadn’t been capable of that.

Already defensive, starting on the completely wrong foot for the umpteenth time.

« Oh, let me enlighten you, » Roman raised both eyes to the ceiling, as if he could see everything that had just happened the day before displayed on it. « Remember yesterday? At the mall? All of those unnecessary lies? What’s the deal with that, huh? »

Oh, that was certainly an easy response to give.

« Lies? What lies? »

Wait, what was that? Janus blinked rapidly: what in the world …? He hadn’t meant to give that answer, why was that the only thing that came out of his mouth?

He looked over at Thomas, and he saw it.

Denial, again.

« Are you kidding? » Virgil disrupted his crossed arms to raise them. « Do you want us to re-tell the entirety of yesterday night? »

Roman sounded exasperated. « Just _why_ do you keep being in our way? »

_Look who’s talking._

« I don’t think that should be our main concern here. » Janus kept giving quick looks towards Thomas, checking how his condition kept worsening by the hour, his internal conflict only rising.

« Oh yeah? So we shouldn’t be concerned for Thomas if he can’t even interact with people without lying? »

« You think that is entirely my fault, don’t you? »

« Well, who else would it be?! » Virgil exhaled deeply. « You’re the one in charge of that, we can’t exactly blame anyone else here. »

« Oh, I see how it is. » Janus crossed his arms behind the capelet. « There’s always the need of a scapegoat to mend someone else’s problems. »

« Someone _else’s_ problems? »

« Didn’t you get what you were striving for? » Janus felt himself snapping, though he really didn’t want to, he would’ve rather kept his usual poised stance and guided the conversation to a calmer point. Yet that day, nothing like that could work, kind of like some specific gears had turned inside him and transformed his thoughts into a self-preservation mode. « Why are you making a big deal out of something that ended positively? Can’t you see how this is affecting Thomas again? »

_Not to mention how you both had affected him so deeply he started thinking so lowly of himself, undeserving of love or attention._

« Don’t you try turning this on Thomas. » Virgil was sick of all the tossing and turning of every single dilemma they ever encountered and confronted.

« Well, what do you want me to say?! »

_Stop yelling, just stop doing that, you’re making things worse._

Roman ran his hands through his hair. « Just _tell_ us why you’re _so obstinate_ , why did you even do all of that? »

Tears prickled Janus’s eyes and it was then he knew he couldn’t stop himself before it was too late.

« Because of abandonment! »

Everyone but him in the room took a step back as if they had been pushed by an invisible force, the deafening silence made the buzzing in his ears hurt as though something had been scraping the insides of his brain.

He took a shallow breath. « I _fear_ abandonment and I just _cannot_ let Thomas go through all of that crap I have been. » he looked over him and murmured. « I _can’t_ do it. »

If Thomas hadn’t spoken a word yet, at that point he had been rendered even more speechless than he could’ve ever been that day; he made to say something, his eyebrows furrowed, to comfort him, even just thanking him for looking out for him in some way, he had moved his arm in his direction, but he found his hand couldn’t reach him.

Janus’s breath had evened by the time he looked back at Roman, whose expression had been so full of different emotions that it was almost unreadable. A little question mark on his forehead that wouldn’t be answered, if not by _someone else_.

« I hope that satisfies your questions. » voice as low as his motivation to carry on the argument, Janus made his way upstairs, where he would’ve sunk down away from everyone’s pitiful or confused glances.

When Thomas looked over the other two, he noticed Virgil’s aura emanated much more uneasiness than before, he could see it in the way he was tapping his foot on the floor, or the way he looked hunched over himself, fingers picking at his lips.

« I- »

« Stop right there. » Roman put a hand on his shoulder, even if his friend couldn’t exactly register it, apart from his voice. « Go have some time for yourself. No pinning it on yourself either, okay? »

Virgil froze for a second, then nodded and left without any other word.

« Roman … »

The prince bit the inside of his mouth. « Tho- »

« Just what’s going on? » Roman could hear the tiredness in his voice, and it really hurt to not clear things for him already, leaving him in the shadows yet again.

He sighed, looking over where Virgil had just disappeared. « I … It’s a question for another day, I think you should focus on yourself instead and … I’ll focus on _him_. » he nodded towards where Virgil would’ve been, sinking down right after.

Thomas put his hands on his face, grumbling.

« When are you going to stop keeping things from me? »


End file.
